The Man Who Sold The World

Goodbye MMX.
Hello MMXI.

Okay, honestly, I would like to go back to 2008 and look at how things got really different for me.
I don't want to give people the impression that I'm complaining here at any given bit, because as of now, my life is actually working out and looking at the past makes me feel so much better about myself and the things I've done and the choices I've made that it just feels like bad things have to happen so I can feel good. And please, for the love of what is sacred to you and your family, and your loved ones, don't call it Karma or anything like that, because that's just bullshit.

So, yes, hi. 2008 is actually kind of blurry to me, but I know that I started my social work, which would be the first step toward a better world. Eighteen months of helping old and disabled people I've discovered that I had been misled by many and a few.
I had been misled by a few people back home, because of my forgiving and sometimes naive manner - believing that they were what would make me happy. I won't name anyone, but it really got me depressive and near suicide a few times, but thanks to good friends I'm still around.
I had also been misled by school. Grades were the tower I was supposed to built and worship at the same time. And also renovate, fancy it up and sacrifice my own life to it. They are quite diabolical in the way they can ruin the majority of young minds.
"Oh, you did not do well in this one assignment. It is about 20% of your entire grade. This means you failed at math."
So, what is there to gather from this? A single assignment has ruined an entire class - a single assignment that might not play any vital role in that person's life, job or even in reality, and, yet, that person felt horrible. "Oh fuck, I hate Math." That might have been a response. A single letdown can easily fuck it all up for you.
And even then, those things you learn are of ambiguous value to you, your fellow kin and the world we live on. I am not saying that you learn nothing from school, or that you should only take a selected few classes that are interesting to you. I am saying that there is a lack of feedback, interest and good that the modern school systems represent.
As of now, I've started university and I'm doing well so far. Yes, you seen that post a while ago, I'm not repeating this to make myself feel better, but more or less to say that an intermediate to worse student can actually get A's in his academic life when it is really interesting to oneself.

Let's get off this one.

Eighteen months, and I have loved every single working day of it. I have learned of the flaws in the old, and the benefit from talking to them - something that a lot of young people will not experience. I've learned how to deal with reality, how to help someone who is in a life-threatening situation, who is about to die in front of your eyes. I've learned to be patient, how to respect authorities (don't get me started on this, but it is not that kind of authority), and how to enjoy work. It was still work. There were days where I hated waking up. Not those days where you wake up and wish you were dead, but rather where your intestines should give up and give you all the diarrhea a mortal being can survive through and decline him the plight of work.
But during these shifts - different ones, yup - I was different. Eager and always ready to help when it was asked of me. I didn't complain, whine or do anything that would have upset anybody. Yet, the other young people, who were doing their social work, were not that nice to me. I don't know why. Maybe because I was a bit older, knew a bit more about life, or in some cases, because I didn't have a fucking broomstick up my ass.
Six, eight, ten or twelve hours. Those were the frames in which I worked. In which I did my very best. After that, before that, I suffered. It was worth it.

Now, we've arrived at the 31st of December in the year 2009.
What had happened? I had signed up for a university, in a distant country, a far far away place I had never been to, a place where, at that point, I knew nobody. January to April I was contemplating so many things. So many things that were bad to the human nature. I was afraid, really, really afraid. I did not know who I was, who my parents were, or what I could ever achieve. School had destroyed my ego, work had manifested what was left of it and had given me new, still-to-be discovered strength.
The days crept closer, and closing in on May, I was on my way to this country.
I felt sick. Ready to die. Do whatever. There's a huge part of the story that will not be included here. So if you know me, just ask me, and I'll tell you about it. I might make more sense. It might include some background information about my life during school in Germany.

But where am I now? I survived the summer semester, and thought I had just saved up enough energy to do well. Now I'm done with the fall semester, six classes, and still not seeming to go down.

I have made a lot of new friends. People who deserve the word friend. Some acquaintances, some foes, probably. It always happens. You can't be a crowd pleaser. You can't make them all happy (but you should attempt!).
I have learned things about life. I have learned things that might be useful in life, or in the future profession I'll be doing. Who knows. I might have fallen in love again. I might have saved a few lives just by talking to people. By not talking to people.

I know that I have made a difference.
I have shown others that you can do it if you really want to.
I know that I am trying to make it better.

I am trying to make others happy.

Whatever I will end up in life, I will try to make people happy, to make things better, to make this a better world.

Call it stupid.
Call it unachievable.
Call me naive.

Call me a dreamer.
I like dreaming.

You call it your dream house, because it is the house of your dreams. You will never live in it, and if you do, you will have a new dream house, that you will strive for.

Wouldn't that make us all dreamers, then?


Goodbye MMX. We had some fun. We had some good, some bad times.
Hello MMXI. We will have some good, some bad times. Let's have some fun.



PS: Hopefully some good, fucking music is being released this year.